Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding journeys a person can undertake. Every parent faces moments of frustration, exhaustion, and even anger. During these times, the temptation to resort to physical punishment as a quick fix can be overwhelming. However, using violence against children is not only ineffective but deeply harmful. It leaves scars that may not be visible, but which can last a lifetime.
The Deep Impact of Violence on Children
Numerous studies have shown that children who are subjected to physical punishment suffer from a range of negative consequences that can affect their development, behavior, and mental health. Research indicates that children who experience corporal punishment are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. A study published in the Journal of Pediatrics found that children who were spanked were more likely to exhibit aggressive behavior and antisocial tendencies as they grew older. Another study revealed that physical punishment can reduce the gray matter in children's brains, which is linked to intelligence and emotional regulation.
The negative impacts of physical punishment go beyond childhood. Adults who were physically disciplined as children are more likely to struggle with substance abuse, have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, and suffer from chronic mental health issues. The message is clear: violence creates a cycle of pain and dysfunction that can be passed from one generation to the next.
A Personal Reflection
I’ve faced my own moments of frustration as a parent. I remember one incident vividly: My daughter was crying inconsolably because she didn’t want to sit in her car seat. We were standing next to the car, and I was trying to negotiate with her when a neighbor came over to see what was happening. She offered some advice, saying, “Take a slipper and beat your daughter so she’ll listen.”
This wasn’t the first time I’d received such advice. Over the years, I’ve been shocked by how many people, including so-called professionals, have suggested that I use violence to discipline my child. What’s even more surprising is that these people often have children of their own—children who now struggle with mental health issues like depression and low self-esteem. It reminds me of a quote I once read: “If you beat your children, they won’t stop loving you; they’ll stop loving themselves.” Sadly, this is the reality I see in the families around me. People justify violence by saying, “Our parents beat us, and we turned out fine.” But did they really? If they believe that violence is acceptable, it’s clear that they haven’t emerged unscathed from their upbringing.
I understand that parenting is hard, and there are times when patience wears thin. In those moments, it can be tempting to raise your voice or even your hand. But it’s essential to remember that resorting to violence doesn’t benefit your child. It might provide momentary relief for your anger, but it only serves to feed that anger in the long run. Violence is never the answer.
Strategies for Managing Anger and Frustration
Managing your emotions is crucial to maintaining a non-violent approach to parenting. Here are some strategies that can help:
Pause and Breathe: When you feel your anger rising, take a moment to step away from the situation. Deep breathing can help calm your nerves and give you time to think before you react.
Identify Triggers: Pay attention to the situations that trigger your anger. Knowing what sets you off can help you develop strategies to avoid or manage those triggers in the future.
Practice Empathy: Try to see the situation from your child’s perspective. Understanding their emotions can help you respond with compassion instead of frustration.
Seek Support: Parenting is hard, and it’s okay to ask for help. Whether it’s from a partner, a friend, or a professional, having someone to talk to can help you manage stress and avoid taking it out on your child.
Develop Healthy Outlets: Find ways to release your anger that don’t involve your child. Physical activity, creative hobbies, or even just talking to someone can help you process your emotions.
A Hope for Change
Once, I told a friend’s mother that I wanted to write articles encouraging parents to avoid using violence against their children. She dismissed the idea, saying that those who hit their kids would never change. While she might be right in some cases, I still hold onto hope. If even one parent reads this and decides to break the cycle of violence, then my effort will have been worth it.
Ending the cycle of violence starts with us as parents. We have the power to choose compassion over cruelty, patience over punishment, and love over anger. By rejecting violence, we can give our children the gift of growing up in an environment where they feel safe, valued, and respected. And that’s a legacy worth leaving behind.